Carpe Diem.

plop.

2006-07-08T00:20:00.000+05:00

For the preservation of the author's dignity, i shall keep his/her identity hidden. The following is an extract from the story of his/her life. It describes a mundane incident , one that all of you will find yourselves in sooner or later, in an aesthetic light. Brace yourselves.

"The pot glistened and sparkled like the sky does on a cloud-less night, inviting and seemingly full of endearing experiences. for some, it spells an equal
amount of relaxation. so i sat, my naked thighs caressing the languid and unerringly coldporcelain (or tile i dunno). non-chalantly i grabbed my book and took the bookmark out, placing it somewhere at the beginning so i could easily call upon it when i was done with the reading. a moment later i embarked on this natural form of catharsis.

the smell hit my nose sharply, like when you step into a fishmarket in the middle of day, but i barely flinched - at 19 years of age i was all but used to smell and rarely did it discomfort me for more than a second. as i continued the excretion, time after time i would pull myself away from the book i was reading and just let my mind and body ease up, to enjoy this orgasm of sorts without any guilt associated with it. a much needed derivative from the consternation i had embedded myself in."

this was written by asfandyar khan btw, i was bullshitting about the anonymous crap: http://www.pkblogs.com/refnulf

amor fati.

2006-07-06T11:10:00.000+05:00

love for fate.

(arrividerci must be said to the italians i fear, bonjour fifa!)

it had to be done, it had to be done.

Duder?

2006-06-19T13:20:00.000+05:00

Today is my sisters birthday.

I love my sister. And her birthday.

I got her a slice of cake. For her birthday.

I wrote her this poem. On her birthday.

She wants me not to have..another birthday.

wah wah wah.

so this goes out to my crazy little ass munch sister. thank you for letting me chase you around with a stake knife, for letting me spray paint your barbie dolls, for allowing me to force you to clean my room using the "lets see how fast you can do it this time! break your record!" exuse, for getting me a glass of water whenever ive needed it most, for listening to me talk mindlessly for hours at a stretch, for making me laugh for HOURS about the way my hand hangs when im lazy or the way i sleep and look like a frog or the way i cackle(!). hahaha. youre the most intelligent, most strong person ive ever come across and i forget sometimes that youre the younger one! my retarded chiddler. i love you.

Pretty Dumb Question: Whats the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist? *embarrassed--and too lazy to google it*

insomnia (ii)

2006-06-10T05:24:00.000+05:00

Who likes hip hop?

If you do, tell me this.

When the man says "put your hand in the air, like you just dont care" wouldnt a better sign of apathy be to not bother at all?

Thoughtful Question: Is the truth really out there? (on account of superfluous x-files viewing)

Okay rephrase that. If the universe is unfolding as it should, will there be some truths we'll just never know?

Like what REALLY happened to Elvis?

:D

insomnia

2006-06-06T04:04:00.000+05:00

yes you guessed it! i cant sleep.

and collegeboard.com should burn in hell and yes, i know its a website, but it should, at the very least, burn in virtual hell or virtually burn in hell. potato, potAto.

holy crap, its 4:16! time for me to go watch some reverend on star world avow religious principles he could care less about!

2006-06-02T12:08:00.000+05:00

Happy Birthday Bilal!

Let me share something with all of you. I call Bilal, Adrian. Why?

Once i decided to be real cute and call my little brother "broder". As i continued saying that, much to the exasperation of my sibling, i realised that broder sounded like brody. Brody. Adrian Brody. The Pianist.

Now I call Bilal, Adrian.

Obiter Dictum: Maryam is not the love of my life, contrary to what some text to the right of what youre reading right now may suggest. That was an attempt to make her feel better about herself.

Good day!

sceptical essays

2006-05-30T10:12:00.000+05:00

"What would be the effect of a spread of rational scepticism? Human events spring from passions, which generate systems of attendant myths. Psycho-analysts have studied the individual manifestations of this process in lunatics, certified and uncertified. A man who has suffered some humiliation invents a theory that he is King of England and develops all kinds of ingenious explanations of the fact that he is not treated with the respect which his exalted position demands. In this case, his delusion is one with which his neighbours do not sympathise so they lock him up. But if, instead of asserting only his own greatness, he asserts the greatness of his nation or his class or his creed, he wins hosts of adherents and becomes a political or religious leader, even if, to the impartial outsider, his views seem just as absurd as those found in asylums. In this way a collective insanity grows up which follows laws very similar to those of individual insanity. Everyone knows that it is dangerous to dispute with a lunatic who thinks he is King of England; but as he is isolated, he can be overpowered. When a whole nation shares a delusion, its anger is of the same kind as that of an individual lunatic if its pretensions are disputed, but nothing short of war can compel it to submit to reason."

Zom-bay.

2006-05-27T13:53:00.000+05:00

At math tuition yesterday, my teacher stared into a void in space and mumbled mindlessly to himself

"goodbye '94. goodbye '94"

of course this is out of context but dammit, its still funny!

Thoughtful Question: Are social sciences even worth the trouble when everything is subjective?

diddle daddle.

2006-05-24T18:47:00.000+05:00

no tomorrow says:
TAYLOR WAS SO GOOD BTW.
Pav-El. says:
i BET he was
Pav-El. says:
he's so gonna win inshAllah!
no tomorrow says:
can i give you a little spoiler? simon said he'd win too.
Pav-El. says:
haha.
Pav-El. says:
well amreecan paagal hain, kya pata kat ko jitaa dein. if they can re-elect bush, they can vote for kat too!

perverse analogies, ladies and gentlemen.

swirl.

2006-05-20T01:49:00.000+05:00

thunderstorms, do-able math, the company of music and no real worries.

aisha is happy tonight.

thoughtful question: what makes a musician?

2006-05-16T15:07:00.000+05:00

She looked at his apathy but she refused to see. He'll change, she told herself, he'll feel once more. But as she reiterated the impossible, he began to wither away. Away from all that is humane, away from all that is. Hold on, she cried, hold on once more. He continued to wither away.

Perhaps a God will intervene and kiss his head once more. Perhaps the winds will blow too hard and cast black waters ashore.

She hoped against profusion, against sentimental profanity. She prayed he would persist although she knew it couldnt be. He asked her if she knew who he was, if she knew who he tried to be. She told him she could never guess, that truths were always "maybe."

And as she said those mortal words, he disintegrated once more. His flesh from his muscle, his blood from his vessel and his heart divorced his soul.

She looked at the detritus of a man she knew, a man who was no more. A man who breathed but did not live, an indominable force but a mere shadow. A gust of sea-water without its chill, a human being without a will. She searched for herself in his soft echo and found only a mumble or two. She gathered her strength and walked away-the rest of the world would do.

timing.

2006-05-06T21:25:00.000+05:00

75740. YOO HOO. no cell phones! welcome to the SAT at khorshed mahal, avari lahore.

when you work incessantly for something and realise it was all futile, it really hurts.

lots of things really hurt these days.

like my arm.

HA.

:S

2006-02-19T22:26:00.000+05:00

Cartoon Controversy

2006-02-17T20:16:00.000+05:00

Its quite simple really.

Everything has limitations. To exceed those boundaries is to commit sin.

Freedom of expression is a subset of the everything i was referring to.

Just because some religions have lost the sanctity they once held does not mean the same goes for Islam, followers of which hold their religious beliefs to be the essence of their beings. When you offend the religion, you offend the essence. I could easily say that the protesters are hooligans, stupid excuses for human beings. And perhaps they are. Why else would they go on destroying fast food restaurants, banks and other institutions that have no affiliation with the controversy reigning supreme these days. However, and it may seem apologetic to say so, but these hooligans are making their point. And rightly so.

To draw a caricature of a sacred human being (universally revered, i might add) and then to proceed to ridicule him by sketching bombs on his turban and moreover, to justify the act of blasphemy by saying it lies within the humane spheres of freedom of speech is just too much to handle for followers of Islam. Yes it is wrong to vent the way they are. Yes it is wrong to violently proclaim their anger. But is this not also freedom of expression?

Im not supporting irrational behaviour or advocating extremist, radical islam. Im just saying all of us need to stop berating the people who are acting out. That's all I hear these days and I just wonder..instead of climbing onto the bandwagon and declaring our disgust, why not take a moment to recall WHY this is all happening. Or are we just too ashamed?

I wish these people wouldnt tarnish the image of Islam the way they are. I wish they wouldnt taint our religion and give the world even more reason to doubt and denounce it. I wish they wouldnt let their emotions get the best of them. I wish they wouldnt use this incident as a pretext to vent and placate their frustrated spirits. I wish they wouldnt resort to violence.

But hey. What I wish the most is for people to realize that Islam was ridiculed. Our prophet was ridiculed. Our essence was ridiculed.

And I, for one, will not tolerate that. Not for one second.

cutlets.

2006-02-06T23:24:00.000+05:00

Apparently, I am very pink.

Now normally I would be immensely offended but the person who said it is just a tad bit too lovely so I'll ignore the horrendous aspect of the word and focus on WHY it was used to describe me. I'm freakishly idealistic. I look at the silver lining even when the damn cloud is so grey it could very well sit on my grandfathers head and call itself hair. I expect the best from people.

Sometimes I wish that wasnt the case. Because I dont want to be downtroddened by man's innate inclination to compete and overcome. Now I wish it wasnt the case WHOLLY AND SOLEY because I despise being called "pink".

*shudder*

You know when things make a lot of sense and you know exactly what to do and you still dont do it? When you just end up, sort of, floating?

Im floating.

Okay, I dont feel like posting anything, theres nothing even remotely intellectual or worth sharing on my mind so I think I'll just stop here before your cavalcade of judgement directs its way towards me, bombarding my head and leaving detritus that has a slight pink tinge to it.

But heres a small tribute for the butt munch who has sort of occupied my time for the past few so and so: To cutlets and subsequent banging of the head, to hypothetical situations and a lack of verbal expresssion in regards to the same thing, to innocent proclaimations of you-know-what and resultant fuzziness, to sadistic practical jokes and 22 missed calls, to the new economist ka issue turning me on and the person who teaches the subject causing a magnification of the same effect, to necks and spines, yours and mine, to the black holes and the hormones, to the 12:15 to 2:45, to the "homie, yo dawg" and the "you fucking faggot", to health and a lack thereof, to funny laughter and eeyais, to the concern and the love, to gay little you and stupid little me.

Cheers. Now fuck off. :D

No thoughtful question because no question I have right now is full of thought.

2006-02-02T15:34:00.000+05:00

These are a few of my favourite things:

1) Sitting next to my mother and talking about things like dahi.
2) Laughing.
3) Telling people "sausage" jokes and initiating more laughing.
4) Listening to people complain about nominal things. Mocking them. Proceeding to complain about the exact same things.
5) Handling serious issues with utmost non chalance and taking stupid things way too seriously.
6) Gatorade. ("Its a drink")
7) Solitude.
8) Throwing facts and figures regarding free trade and economic growth at ahmad ali's face in econ("China's economy is growing 4 times as fast as Japan and Germany's and 2 times as fast as the USA's but disparity between the higher and lower strata is the most around the world!")
9) Impressing certain people with those facts and figures :D
10) Hypothetical situations (when not taken seriously).
11) Anum's hugs and pep talks.
11) RADIOHEAD.
13) Realizing # 11 was repeated twice and I missed out on #12. Laughing at that. Yet again.
14) Nightmares scaring the shit out of me but having people who care enough to listen to my quivering, stupid voice at 3 a.m.
15) Making meaningless lists. When I should be doing math.

2006-01-26T10:42:00.000+05:00

I never understood how much truth there was to the statement (which has become an Indian Film regular) : "Taking the right path is difficult".

Right as in correct, not the only alternative to left :D

I think I've finally opted for the "right" path at least from one standpoint of my multi-faceted yet increasingly pathetic existence. And its hard. Painfully hard. Pain is something Ive been feeling a lot of late. Not disappointment, regret, melancholy, dejection--cold tremors of pain.

An echo in my head tells me I'll miss you. Its reverberations tell me I love you. Its continuity tells me I'll never forget you.

To HELL with that echo, I say!

Sentiment is Satan. And I shall not submit myself to genuine sin.

2006-01-06T14:25:00.000+05:00

I havent been here in a while, have I.

Should I go on about my life in the usual complaint-laden fashion or shall I pretend that everything is honkey dorey(or however the hell you spell it) and make another gay list about what made me happy this week? Because that'll be one short list. It'll go something like..

Things That Made Me Happy This Week:

1) I can put my pinky toe on top of my other toe without using my hands i.e. i have flexible feet
2) Ryan Seacrest now hosts the new year special in place of the acutely sick, (finally!) dying Dick Clark.

And thats it.

My feet on new years.

Speaking of new years, My resolution this year should be to blog more often not because I want to but because I can. I like the idea of typing my twisted thoughts down and people reading them silently exclaiming "dude, wtf, dude, shes so weird, dude".

Thoughtful Question # 10: Who knows?

arm was broken.

2005-11-26T11:25:00.000+05:00

Life is lovely.

Yes, I know I tend to become painfully melodramatic at times (eg. previous post) but thats because I FEEL and dont know what to do with those FEELINGS so I decided to BLOG because BLOGGING IS ALL ABOUT FEELING.

Ive been in an insane mood since last night. I think I like it.

So a lot has been happening. There was this Law Competition at MULSS(relatively new law university) and there was a mock murder case and I was on the defense and I won "Best Prospective Lawyer" and I dont why that makes me as happy as it does.

Gigs galore. The Youth Senate one that I sang at was a relatively enjoyable affair and people really liked my singing :D Some bands want to do covers with me. Hahaha. I think thats sweet. And cOoL. Then there was one at Lacas which was just......brilliant. Atrocious singers, destruction of classics(one guy raped "losing my religion". I will shoot him.), weird puberty-stricken males, woman with the lavender pants, maryam with her hand in my pocket, stage-diving into a 12-member audience, etc etc. Strangely enough, I really enjoyed myself.

I rediscovered my love for Maryam. Plutonic. ("My retarded child!")

For Faria: "Everythings gonna be allright". Stop taking crap seriously, foolish voomun. Love you!

Instead of a thoughtful question, Im going to jot down random events that made me happy in the very-recent past:

Mrs Rehman singing "arm was broken" in tort law, lemon tarts, economics, azka and I deciding "Doesnt remind me" was our song, Sahar's collapse of reason/sun metaphor, Radiohead, My mom, our math sir treating the class to mcdonalds, zainabs "please contact the US government for more information", salamander's calls, dumping maryam for zahra hamdani, rejecting testimonials(which I, actually, still havent done asfand :D), maryams hugs(which I pretend to hate) and much much more. Oh, and marvel crackers.

Life IS lovely!

---

2005-11-07T12:03:00.001+05:00

I dont know why I like to bum myself out for completely ridiculous,insubstantial reasons. I'm paranoid, I jump to false conclusions and I tend to lose all sense of self. I make my own existence difficult for myself.

I hate myself for hurting me.

No thoughtful question today. I dont feel very thoughtful. Plus, azka and faru feel I need to tone down my use of "unnecessary vocabulary" and philosophical-ness. So, here.

---

2005-11-07T12:03:00.000+05:00

I dont why I like to bum myself out for completely ridiculous,insubstantial reasons. I'm paranoid, I jump to false conclusions and I tend to lose all sense of self. I make my own existence difficult for myself.

I hate myself for hurting me.

No thoughtful question today. I dont feel very thoughtful. Plus, azka and faru feel I need to tone down my use of "unnecessary vocabulary" and philosophical-ness. So, here.

Trilogy.

2005-11-05T23:33:00.000+05:00

I just saw the Lord of the Rings (the first two parts.)

Yes. JUST saw them. Kill me.

If you wont, allow me to shoot myself. I cant believe I've been forbidding myself from delving into the deliciously complex world of hobbits, wizards and orcs! First the fellowship was formed and subsequently broken(spooky!). Then, Gollum forms an "alliance" from out of the blue with stupidly naive Frodo and cute little Sam. THEN at the conclusion, hes scheming against them, planning their deaths! ARGH! Stupid ass halflings! OPEN UP YOUR EYES!(open up your eyes=>politik=>coldplay. Sigh).

I still have the third part to see, though. And amma isnt letting me because SHE wants to finish the first part tonight. JESUS! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS FOR THE SAKE OF THE RACE OF MEN!

Perhaps my not watching all three movies on the same day (a.k.a the second day of eid) isnt such a bad idea after all. I think i'm beginning to lose it.

This always happens to me. I discover a new passion, a brand new channel for enthusiasm and i immerse myself completely in its depths for a certain period of time. I become obsessive. Dangerously obsessive. And then, i become oblivious to its very existence. Strange. Can I blame it on my modest teenage years or must I shoulder the responsibilty on account of my personal insanity?

Blah. Whatever. I LOVE THIS MOVIE(S)!

Thoughtful Question #9: Are the blind physically capable of dreaming when they sleep?

2005-11-03T14:52:00.000+05:00

Strum your guitar, if its the last thing you do.
Divinity is defined by harmony, God speaks through song.
Euphonious is the way of the world.
The rain falls to the rythm of the steel drum, the suns rays are strings of the angelic harp.
When you cry, it is because your purpose has lost its melody.
When you smile, it is because the chorus of life is uplifting.
Paradise is the collaboration of mystical beats and haunting chimes.
Hell is but a painful silence.
You are born into a world where your words are lyrics to spirituality's tune.
It is up to you to compose.
Die only when your music moves Him.

Strum your guitar if its the last thing you do.

I GOT SHORTLISTED FOR THE PAKISTAN NATIONAL DEBATE TEAM! :D

2005-10-08T14:35:00.001+05:00

It WAS Thoughtful Question #8! That makes me so weirdly happy.

Oh, and I forgot to say I've been made Head Girl again, twice in a row. Yay. :)

I love the word yay. Its so gay. "Yay".

Sabbatical.

2005-10-08T14:35:00.000+05:00

Its been too long. Way too long.

It'll be sheer stupidity if I attempt to recall and subsequently type down all that has happened since I last vistited this place. And A LOT has happened. Some of it good, some bad. All of it essentially pointless and stupid. I've been thinking a lot about how everything enveloping mankind is so blatantly fake. Temporary. Meaningless. Radiohead's Fake Plastic Trees. I blame my teenage angst on Thomas Yorke.

But is it really just teenage angst or a practical awakening to realisation? When adolescents like ourselves complain about existence is just mere nit-picking or is it the initiation of the biggest transition of our lives? From children to adults. Idealists to realists. Humans to human beings.

Hmm. Roza lag raha hai. :S

You know what the worst part is? I finally understand what time is and its significance. Prior to the birth of my teenage angst, I regarded time as a stupid numerical phenomenon that, predominantly, had nothing to do with the "real" world. Now, I must beg to differ. Time is celestial. God'd greatest gift to mankind. And I feel it slipping away from me as every moment passes, as I type down each word philosophizing about something that I shouldnt just be talking about but relishing.

There's just way too much going on in my stupid excuse for a human head. Next post will be more non-chalant and signature ME(i.e. corny, strange, random).

I love parliamentary debates more than I ever have. (yay, the haphazardness returns!)

Thoughtful Question #err8?: Why are livestrong bands suddently so popular?

*note: I wear a livestrong band. :S

Boo hoo.

2005-08-05T15:45:00.000+05:00

My internet has majorly screwed me over. I miss my blog.

Omair rana has just offered me a part in two of his plays. Oh dear lord.

Thoughtful Question #7: DO YOU GUYS MISS ME?! :D

2005-07-26T22:10:00.000+05:00

I was sitting in cafe life today and this alevel girl from lgs defence(a complete stranger, by the by) says to me:

" I know you. Youre Aisha. Youre the head girl".

At first I was scared. Then filled with glee. Then gleefully scared.

I'm getting popular. Haha. Oh no, I hope I dont become a bitch. Or am i already one? How does one define the word "bitch" anyway?

Thoughtful Question #: Is Law, Economics, Math and G.P. a good alevel subject combination if I want to go to LUMS for my llb and bachelors?

*Note: I know this question is hardly profound. But insightful comments will be much appreciated. :D

Short and sweet.

2005-07-23T18:47:00.000+05:00

*yawn*

I dont feel like typing excessively and describing my mundane life in an elaborate fashion today. All I feel like doing is highlighting the more exciting events that have taken place in bullet form.

1) The hot french guy came to the office today. He came directly to me for dental information.
2) Shemrez loves my blog and didnt even know it was mine.
3) Maryams all confused. When she shouldnt be. I need to talk to her (And remember, I love you, fufe.)
4) I added dina in a conversation between Ali and I. HAHAHA.
5) Jalal dropped off a wonderful CD at the office for me.
6) Im still in love with Drown With Me (And I dont care if its a bloody bonus track, asfandyar!)
7) I ate a chocolate chip cookie today. And thats it.
8) A south asian man got shot mercilessly by an officer in plain clothes. It has nothing to do with me. But I'm ridiculously pissed off.
9) I'm horribly depressed that Ali's leaving.
10) I just realised that all the aforementioned points are not even remotely exciting.

Thoughtful Question # 5: How good of a book IS The Da Vinci Code?

Havoc is beautiful.

2005-07-19T20:22:00.000+05:00

SO much has happened in the past few days. So damn much.

Mom left for the states. And although she'll be gone for a mere two weeks, I really truly genuinely miss her.

Work as a receptionist(sounds more homsexual each time i use the word) has gotten more intense and I dont eat all day because I'm insanely busy answering phonecalls and helping others satiate their dental hunger. (Dental hunger? Err.)

I did have fun amidst all the havoc, though. Maryam came to the office to pick me up and it was SO great seeing her. We met up with Ali at masooms which made me realise even more how bloody much I'm going to miss him when he leaves for the states. How does one cope with a moving best friend anyway? Maybe this should be my thoughtful question for today. I'm going to miss his insane laughter, the pointless jokes, the pleasant calls, the wonderful bond we share. Sigh. I hate him.

Maryam forced me to go to a third class concert at "the planet" and I met up with shemrez, dina and gang! Poor Maryam didnt get to see the people she wanted to, haha! Seeing shemrez was great though, the guy genuinely cares about me and its evident when I see him. THANK GOD he isnt leaving too. And dina. Well seeing dina made me realise how much i love the damn woman! Blah. Bloody teenage minds.

I fell in love with porcupine tree's "Drown with me".

I'm tired of being so busy. And I have no idea how I'm going to handle the approaching result date. The anticipation, the tension--its ridiculously overwhelming. And I dont know what I 'll do if i screw up my olevels. I NEED A MIRACLE GOD! And anybody reading this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for me! Jesus, I need help. Maryam, your right I need help. I need to get out of the city. I'm going to Quetta. Shahzad cant keep having all the fun.

(Semi) Thoughtful Question #4: Do fish drink water?

Looney Tunes

2005-07-12T14:50:00.000+05:00

I cant remember that damn red hen of a cartoon thats on looney tunes. Furthermore, I cant seem to discover why I'm so insanely interested in remembering the stupid chicken's name.

I started an internship at my moms office. Receptionist. A job where all you do is smile at queer individuals coming to get their plaque-infested teeth fixed and/or talk to complete strangers on the phone and setting up appointments. Its probably the most meaningless job on the planet. And its hardly an internship. But eh...I'm getting paid 4 grand for it. Why not.

The 4 grand doesnt serve as much of an incentive, though, when a Chinese man named Yelin Lee yells at you in chinglish for delaying his dental appointment. Oh the humanity.

Thoughtful Question #2: Why do priests sexually abuse little children?

Inquisition.

2005-07-08T13:51:00.001+05:00

I was sitting around doing absolutely nothing when I realized I dont know a thing about the world I live in. And being a science student, thats pretty damn sad. I dont know why the sky's blue. Nor do i know why women cant close their stupid mouths when putting mascara on their chemically worn-out eye lashes(wait, I do that too:S). So anyway..the point of all this blabber..I have concluded that I will pose a thoughtful question at the end of each post and hopefully, get an answer from the several people considerate enough to view my "blog" or perhaps a complete stranger having pity on my lack of general knowledge.

Blah, I have to go to lunch today with people I pretend to like. I hate being diplomatic.

Thoughtful Question #1: What IS the difference between diplomacy and hypocrisy?

2005-07-05T23:01:00.000+05:00

So Maryam just started her own blog. And she forces me, all the live long day, to update mine more frequently. So, sadly, I shall. (The things I do for you, biatch.)

Everything I write on this godforsaken, pathetic excuse for a journal is so morbid! And weirdly intense. Which is SO not the person I am. Thereupon, I shall attempt to "chill".

Eww, I just said "thereupon".

I've been walking down memory lane for quite some time. Spending an impractical amount of time in retrospect, reminding myself of how lucky I've been to gain so much exposure in the past year. What a year. The best part has to be the wonderfully diverse array of personalities I befriended: Maryam (The Best Friend), Shemrez (The Evocative Figure), Shahzad (The Original---btw, you SO didnt expect to see your name here, did you sHahZeE baby..haha), Aloo (The Great One), Basharat (The Coach), Dina (The "cool" One), so on and so forth. The "surprise" mg birthday parties, the parliamentary debating sessions(Maryam and I fighting in the prep room..probably the only time I've hated you!), the song-writing in Bio class, the speculations regarding T. Anila's pregnancy(haha!), the refusing to smoke AND do sheesha(fundamentalism rules), Bash's burnt cd's, LUMUN(!!), the annual concert...and so, SO much more made the past 365 days pretty darn great. (Thereupon and Darn. In the same peice of writing. I should slap myself).

Sigh. But all good times must end for new ones to commence. And its not like I dont have tons to look forward to. For instance, dreading my olevel result, busting my ass doing internship after internship, coaching a group of utterly incompetent ninth and tenth graders in public speaking, deciding which school to go to for alevels, adapting to the gruelling alevel schedule, SAT studying. Shitloads of fun. So much fun. Fun fun fun.

Okay, enough blogging for now. I hope youre happy, Maryam.

2005-06-14T16:17:00.000+05:00

"I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
I'll see.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you dont see me.
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see
And youll realise you love me."

*No maryam, this isnt what you think. :)*

Blah.

2005-06-13T12:23:00.000+05:00

"Oh life."

I can imagine the berating that'll be inflicted upon me for behaving in the melodramtic way that i'm about to. But i'm 17. So are the individuals who might be "judging" me. So, predominantly,i really dont give a shit.

The time i spent giving my o-levels was more festive than this. Moping defines my day. I'm depressed and I dont know why. Actually, I might know why. But this is where hormonal inclinations of adolescent ignorance takes over my sanity.

I'm typing my feelings down. An example of the pseudo, materialistic veil that has obstructed makinds view of reality. Sigh. But that just leads to yet another debate. What IS reality? If theres one thing our time has forgotten, its the distinction between what is and what is not. We make-believe. We pretend. We formulate our own little worlds to satiate our hunger for self-satisfaction. The world has adpated to this new way of life, this new idealistic culture.

I just cant.

Idealism leads to false expectations which leads to an ultimate disappointment. And there is no harsher a human sentiment. It stings deeper than pain and nags more than regret. I am an idealist. Just like so many of us are. I expect. I formulate. I imagine. I conjure images. But i weep, unlike the idealists who escape to their own "realities" and bask in the warmth of their personal dishonesty. It's getting uncomfortably warm for me,though.

How does one simply forget? Or overcome an emotional hurdle? Everyone has their individual quest for truth. This is mine. To surpass the obstacles of the heart. To ignore maudlin tendencies and discover why ionic imbalances lead to the creation of mortal tears. To convince myself to adopt practicality. To morph my sentimental mindset. To stop caring....I cant stop caring.

2005-05-11T10:03:00.000+05:00

I am ecstatic.

Easiest Chem ATP of all time. Future generations will be slaving away, attempting past paper after past paper and proclaim "Jee. I wish I appeared in May/June 2005. It's so friggin simple".

But they can't. Mu-ah-ha-ha. (Blogging instills wickedness into the user. I cant explain why though..)

But I can't get TOO euphoric yet, still have isl tomorrow and a whole truckload of exams afterwards. *sigh*

Ooh, Oprah's on! (Ahh, guilty pleasure television).

Radiohead.

2005-05-09T10:55:00.000+05:00

I was "studying" the other day and my mind began to wander (as it frequently does) and I was listening to "idioteque" in my head (and no, i'm not mentally unstable. Thanks for asking!)

Oh yes, the point of this post. Thomas Yorke. Genius or crazed lunatic? Hmmm.

Exams are taking a toll on my sanity, apparently. Blah.

*PAPER TOMORROW*

2005-05-05T12:44:00.000+05:00

First paper. On tuesday. How'd it go, I ask myself.

I guess it went okay. The format underwent a complete metamorphosis so the percentile will be low. God bless stupid people.

Ooh, on a lighter note, i JUST realised that "your song"(a.k.a. my incomplete poem) is also the title of an elton john song. Is that a good sign or an omen? Hmmm.

Next paper on the tenth. I CAN NOT believe I'm writing about exams. A friend says Ive lost all my intellect as a result of an overdose of conventional knowledge. I hope he's right..

Blogging can be FUN! Heh...I think I need some tylenol.

2005-04-24T21:08:00.000+05:00

So i JUST realized what i'm supposed to do here.

I'm supposed to record my daily thoughts and events that take place in my "interesting" life. Its like some online journal.

How friggin gay.

Nevertheless, I shall write. Today was one of those days--a day so utterly uneventful yet oddly significant. I attemped to study. I half succeeded. I talked to random people. Majority of the day was spent worrying about the Olevels. Its weird how exams can have such a strange psychological effect on us poor unfortunate souls. Supposedly, success is all based on luck. So why waste my time studying? Everythings muddled up. I feel like im stuck in a goddamn rut. EVERY DAY IS THE SAME. EVERY GODFORSAKEN DAY. I just cant wait for the advent of June 9th. That'll be one of those days--a day so utterly eventful yet oddly insignificant.

I cant wait.

What the...?!

2005-04-21T17:50:00.000+05:00

I cant understand what I'm doing.

I think im wasting time, but then again, how can you materialize a phenomenon and subsequently waste it?

Wait, Ive stopped making sense again.

Shanzeh, what do we do?!

Your Song

2005-04-21T17:06:00.000+05:00

A poem i've (unfotunately) never finished. Nonetheless, it is something i wrote. Probably one of the most genuine things i've ever written.

Point of irony: Britney Spears' "Baby One More Time" was playing in the background. I cringed. For, never in a million years, will THAT be "my song".

Your Song

Violins begin to play
A melancholic melody
The tune, though mellifluous
Is you’re life’s parody

The sound engulfs
Your very existence
It hypnotizes your sanity
You enter a trance

Each note is accompanied
By a sweet irony
You try to decipher
Each beat, every key

Realization dawns
Upon your tired soul
This music you hear
You’ve heard it before

Drums begin to imbue
The vacuum around you
The beating of your heart
The cymbals in your eyes

A haunting harmony
Is created at once
The clash is you’re downfall
The fusion, you’re triumph

The tune lingers on
The melody remains
It echoes through your mind
It flows through your veins